We’ve been expecting you…

The Windsor excelsior is grand and feels safe enough to calm our tingling spider senses from any danger we anticipated from arriving in Rio. A scary looking security guard practices his best Portuguese pit bull face and when I ask him where the pool is, he aggressively points towards the receptionist signalling “ask her, not me” in Portuguese pointy language.

We exist for the next two days in a hazy holiday bubble, trying to shake the pull of jetlag (a little like the snake in Jungle Book: goooo toooo sleeeeep Mowgli…) and trying to get our heads together for the forthcoming move to the hostel in Botafogo.

The white sands of Copacabana beach move under our feet and as a souvenir I take some back to our hotel room and spread it everywhere to the delight of Lucy. Copacabana beach is perhaps closer to Blackpool pleasure (except for the stunning weather and the kiss me quick hats) than you would expect.

Two three lane roads lie in front of the hotel strip and have to be navigated before we can get to the sea front. Seemingly at any point of day the direction of the traffic changes to ease congestion and on the weekend they close three lanes of traffic to allow pedestrians to walk down the strip. And they do this in droves. Rio’s roads are difficult to cross as a pedestrian and I’m not sure if there is a speed limit (There probably is).

We decide to eat in the hotel on the first night and have the executivo buffet (the bill was a sphincter tightener) and at the end we wish we had eaten more. The many waiters flap around not quite knowing what to do with themselves at low season. They wear white tuxedos and are reminiscent of Bond villain henchmen with a slight wonkeyness in their physicality. The odd bongy eye or a lower part of one of their fingers removed. Some are very short, not Nicknack short but still a bit wee. The hotel reflects the slight bond villainlyness in the presentation of the slightly dated interior, itself knowing it is past it’s best. The sauna and steam room are slightly wonky and notably shoved in a weird corner of the rooftop bar.

We return to the dining room in the morning and gorge ourselves on the offerings of the breakfast buffet. I try a few fruits I haven’t tasted before. Some amazing and some less so. I was taken aback by the disparity of the presentation of the papaya fruit and the flavour. A little too frogspawny for my liking.

As our bellies fill, I start pocketing bits and bobs whilst the henchmen’s backs are turned.

Lower short pockets: 4 bananas and 2 probiotic type milky drinks.

Upper short pockets: small bottles of water and yoghurt.

Hoodie pockets: miscellaneous items including biscuity cakes and anything we can find.

After two days at the Windsor Excelsior, we pack our bags looking forward to getting in the hostel and seeing what the real Rio has to offer. We shed the safety of the hotel bubble and don our thicker skin armour. Rested and ready for the travelling experience to start.