Universally speaking

The next day we plan to tube ourselves to Universal studios. A real treat and more like an actual holiday thing than the travelling norm we had gotten used to in South America.

Due to an another excessively unreliable Adventure Tradewinds hostel/suites shuttle service, we decide to walk to the tube stop, in reverse to the journey we made the previous night. The bus driver senses we are about to take a stroll through gangsters paradise but idiotically blurts:
“If you walk that journey, it’s all on you”…
“Thanks, we’ll keep that in mind”…

We keep on walking and are followed by others also affronted by the slackening shuttle “service”.

We take the Hawthorne green line to Willow brook, then change onto the blue line to 7th, then onto the red line into Hollywood. Finally we get off at the Universal City stop. After a short shuttle from outside the universal offices we are transported to the park. The exterior shares much with my memories of Vegas as the Neon there has an equi-sizzling quality to it. You could spend a whole day shopping here without even entering the park. 3 levels of consumerist heaven with restaurants and bars aplenty.

Over at the entrance, there are strangely short queues for universal studios theme park. Perhaps an off peak perk from travelling at this time of year?

We walk through the turnstiles and refer to the ride map. Strangely, Lucy heads straight for the Universal horror walk which is a dark and (fun) scary experience. Lucy clings extremely tight to my arm as an all star cast of monsters jump out of a multitude of blackened corners. With amazingly honed timing we are set upon. The creatures claw, bay, and gnash at us, leaning over barriers, sharpened talons professionally falling inches from our faces. The walk takes us through a number of scenes from the Universal back catalogue but updates them with modern looking horror beasties. In terms of quality and scares, this experience supersedes any previous ghost train or horror house I have endured. Lucy spends the majority of the walk with her eyes closed and screams when loud things happen. The entire horror walk takes about fifteen minutes and delightfully jangles the nerves on a number of occasions.

Before entering the Transformers ride, we get our picture taken and hang out with an oversized Megatron and Optimus prime voiced and controlled by an amazingly talented actor inside the suit. His voices are incredibly close to the original film robot’s and his spiel is incredibly dynamic, reacting to all visitors who pop by for a photo. When Lucy tries to film my pose in portrait mode with Megatron (it’s not an iphone Lucy), he even spots the mistake and gets a dig in when Lucy spins the camera round to the right orientation (see Facebook for details).

The Transformers ride is the bestest 3D experience ever, EVER! The attention to detail in the sets around the queue line is also incredible. A futuristic, militaristic, scenario with plot points and rationale for the experience are laid out, but there are so few people here today, we don’t get a chance to live it as there is almost no queue, so we get straight into the ride car. The ride switches between a mix of 3D visuals and live action animatronic robots. The ride car moves dynamically, adjusting movement to match the on screen action, but also moves intelligently to transport you through to other screens which play the next part of the ride story/sequence. Everything is seamless regardless of wether it is live action or on screen. Much like the transformers film franchise, there is a lot of smashing of metal upon metal which usually I find a bit of a bore, but in this context is a total sensory bombgasm. With your help Optimus and the gang dent Megatron’s bee-hind (sorry for the spoilers).

The Mummy ride is the daddy. A speedy little roller coaster with some bespoke CGI footage pitting you against Giza’s grumpiest. Most of it takes place in the dark and is a thrill ride, making you ride backwards to fight the overly-bandaged one.

The Jurassic park ride takes form as a log flume filled with dinosaurs, taking down a pretty faithful interpretation of the film’s sets. The plot and events compete with all the favourite dinosaurs from the film to make a solid theme park experience. I’m not sure how long the ride has been there for but some of the animatronics were looking a bit dated compared to today’s standards. The internals of the slightly Clunky velociraptors wobble about but still bring a few good scares to the ride.

A strangely chosen and oddly timed recreation of the Waterworld film (it must be twenty years since the film sunk at the box office – har…har) brings the heat of fire and flames to the Hollywood theme park. The stunts are impressive, and seemingly dangerous with the semi famous actors (some CSI regulars) going through full body fire routines and falling from great heights in the name of entertainment. Jetskis fly through the air, boats sink, planes engulfed in flames crash land. A stunning explosive final set piece has the audience feeling the heat as a gasoline container catches ablaze.

The studio tour takes us around the sets, props and locations of innumerable Hollywood films. Some are recreated for the tour (Bates Motel, Jaws, Earthquake/twister sets), and having seen these attractions from a family holiday from when I was a kid, I’m pretty sure they have been uprooted from Universal Studios in Florida, perhaps needing the space for newer, bigger, faster rides there. In the middle of the tour, the experience is hijacked by Peter Jackson (via video screen) who talks about his film King Kong. We see part of the skull island set and whilst still seated in the open sided ride shuttle, enter an enormous 3D screen in the shape of a tube. We are told to put on our 3D glasses and enjoy the ride. An impressive bespoke 3D film takes place in which King Kong appears to protect the shuttle, fighting off T-Rexs whilst clambering all over our transport. The sequence is fully immersive and boasts the world’s biggest screen of its kind.

Throughout the day I down a number of probiotics to combat the pre-blogged (see leakybumitis post) stomach and bowel problems. The tablets start to take effect with the number of toilet trips on the decrease.

The park seems to be just about big enough to maintain interest for the day, despite our late entry we still get to experience 95% of the attractions. As the park shuts we leave and hang in the mini-Vegas exterior of Universal Studios Hollywood, sharing huge slices of pizza, pop and beers. We feel treated and lucky to be able to experience this place after the South American contrasts in terms of culture, poverty and similarities of society. To be able to dip in and out, and escape wherever we are feels somewhat privileged.

There is a warm magnetic glow given off by the recognisable brands, logos and Americanness of this place. It seems to symbolise a safety and a small respite from the uncertainty that sometimes pervades fast paced travelling. Shop interiors are similar to home, which I surmise comes from a homogenisation of American culture throughout the world. This is in almost exact diametrically opposition to South America which feels like a dangerous adult’s playground full of bigger boys and girls that in their own environment are just a little bit harder than you.